I typically dislike such image-quotes, but this one tugged at what I’m feeling this NYE, so starkly different — night into day — from last year. My only quibble is: “Let go of what doesn’t make you happy.” Far more fitting for my 2014: “Let go of what doesn’t walk toward and with you, including parts of yourself.”
So, sappy admission, as 2014 blends soberly and hopefully into 2015:
This was a year that started as bleak as could be for me, with all the sensations of inhabiting a death-affirming life. I had entered a dark room with door snapping shut behind me, and never thought I’d find light, much less expanse, again.
Yet to my surprise, this “year of learning of take better care of myself” is ending with the always-fragile promise of a life-affirming life, at least in the “be present” moment of this day. So many people (many of them new to my life, but a good bunch who hung around, even closer by my side) were present with me this 2014, embracing me in the unknown, sustaining my spirit, and swimming into waters I’d feared to enter, or didn’t know how.
I didn’t realize it, perhaps foolishly, until a few weeks ago, but instead of doors opening in my dark room/life this past year, I learned — with all your mentoring and modeling of goodness — what it means to notice and appreciate what and who is there in the darkness that is this present world with me, as we stumble together toward illumination and fire, self-wisdom and freedom. Staying present in the dark with you all as light, with myself as light too, allowed me to rediscover my passion for living along with — because of — the beloved community hidden away inside this miserable social system we are compelled to inhabit — letting me “grow” and “love fiercely” (my wish for 2015 — that, and collective revolution).
I trust that you know who you are, all those of you who have, thankfully, empathetically, held my heart this year, especially at its most vulnerable❤
Onward to 2015, my “year of learning how to better love,” and with your help again, a new year of resistance and rebellion.
If you are one of those trusted people in my life now and I see you on the streets tonight, watch out! I will likely be sappy in person. xoxo!